The Pleasure Gap: Rethinking Intimacy and Consent
With Betty Martin
You’ve probably learned how to give.
Be generous. Be accommodating. Be easy.
Say yes. Don’t make it awkward.
But what if the real intimacy problem isn’t giving at all?
What if it’s receiving?
In this episode of Tripping Over Love, we sit down with Betty Martin, creator of the Wheel of Consent and author of The Art of Receiving and Giving, to unpack one of the most misunderstood dynamics in sex, relationships, and everyday connection.
This conversation goes way beyond “did you say yes?”
We talk about:
• Why receiving is often more vulnerable than giving
• How low libido quietly develops from unspoken compromise
• The difference between touch, sex, and actual connection
• Why “going along with it” slowly kills desire
• How consent dynamics don’t stop in the bedroom—they show up at work, at home, and everywhere power is exchanged
If you’ve ever felt turned off without knowing why…
If you’ve ever said yes when your body said no…
If you’ve ever wondered how two people who love each other can still feel disconnected…
…this episode is for you.
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What stood out to me here is the idea that receiving can feel more vulnerable than giving. I think that dynamic shows up far beyond intimacy: many people are much more comfortable adapting, accommodating, or “going along” than actually noticing what they truly want or feel.
I’ve noticed something similar through long-term travel as well. When you step outside your usual roles and environments, it becomes much harder to stay on autopilot, and people often start realizing how disconnected they’ve been from their own desires, needs, or boundaries. Sometimes the discomfort itself is what reveals the gap.